I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
