im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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