So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wear drunk well.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
