I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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