I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
