I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize