i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
