Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
