I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
