dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
