just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
