guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
