I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
