have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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