if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
