I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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