I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
