i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
