I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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