Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
