a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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