he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
