he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
