bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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