nut hugger
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
