and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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