I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
