Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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