We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize