dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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