We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
