I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
