i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
