Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
