youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
