so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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