I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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