You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
