I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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