An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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