Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
