these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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