I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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