Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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