sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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