remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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