life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
