she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
