I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
