I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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