kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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