i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
