Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
