Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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