i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
