This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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