SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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