dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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