belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everyone says I win the strip club
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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