id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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