very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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