My friends, they love my intelligence
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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