dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
