I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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