Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
