sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
