11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
