If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
