Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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