yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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