Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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