well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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