she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
