OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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