you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
