you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
