she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
