how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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