my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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